SONG: 

Sometimes a Man, Sometimes a Woman”                                          

 

(Espi and Professor Kunkel, each one having been told by Mundo that the other one is in love with him/her, meet in the Weaving Room. Espi picks up an invisible “sash” from Mach, models it, when Professor Kunkel arrives. He joins Espi in the pantomime with the sash during this song.)

 

     Espi                  

PROFESSOR KUNKEL.

 

     Professor Kunkel          

Yes.

 

     Espi                  

PROFESSOR KUNKEL.  SOMETIMES . . .

 

     Professor Kunkel          

Yes.

 

     Espi                  

SOMETIMES A WOMAN . . .

            (suddenly fast)

HASN’T A CHANCE

OF SAYING IT STRAIGHT

SHE JUST OPENS HER MOUTH

POINTING NORTH OR SOUTH

AND THE WORDS COME ATUMBLE

OUT IN A JUMBLE

OF ANYTHING BUT

AN OPEN AND SHUT . . .   

 

            (She stops suddenly, embarrassed. After an awkward silence . . .)

 

     Professor Kunkel          

ESPI.

 

     Espi                  

Yes.

 

     Professor Kunkel         

ESPI.  SOMETIMES . . .

 

     Espi                  

Yes.

 

     Professor Kunkel          

SOMETIMES A MAN . . .

            (a quarter as fast as Espi.)

HAS A TONGUE

THICK AND DUMB,

CAN’T SAY MUCH,

NO SOFT TOUCH . . .

 

            (He stops suddenly, embarrassed. An awkward silence . . .)

 

     Espi

PROFESSOR KUNKEL.

           

     Professor Kunkel

Yes.

 

     Espi

PROFESSOR KUNKEL. SOMETIMES . . .

 

     Professor Kunkel          

Yes.

 

     Espi

SOMETIMES A WOMAN . . .

            (Suddenly faster)

HASN’T A CLUE

OF WHAT TO DO,

SHE JUST DOES IT ANYWAY

FRAPPÉ OR FLAMBÉ,

STIR UP THE POT

AND SEE WHAT YOU GOT,

HECK, IT’S BETTER TO START,

THAN JUST FALL APART . . .

 

     Professor Kunkel          

ESPI.

 

     Espi

Yes.

 

     Professor Kunkel          

ESPI. SOMETIMES . . .

 

     Espi

Yes.

 

      Professor Kunkel

SOMETIMES A MAN . . .

HAS TO DO

A THING OR TWO,

CAN’T DECIDE

WHAT’S INSIDE . . .

 

      Espi                 

PROFESSOR KUNKEL.

SOMETIMES A WOMAN . . .

            (Suddenly faster)

THINKS HE IS HOT FOR HER,

THINKS HE’S FORGOTTEN HER,

THINKS HE IS THINKING

HE’D RATHER BE DRINKING

OR MAYBE HE LIKES

TO SEE HER IN SPIKES

OR MAYBE HE’D RATHER

NOT HEAR HER BLATHER . . .

 

     Professor Kunkel

ESPI.

SOMETIMES A MAN . . .

DOESN’T THINK,

WHO NEEDS MINK?

ANY GUY’D

CHOOSE RAWHIDE.

 

[Duet]             

      Espi                  Professor Kunkel

THINKS HE IS HOT FOR HER,                              

                        DOESN’T THINK,

THINKS HE’S FORGOTTEN HER,                        

THINKS HE IS THINKING                                     

                        WHO NEEDS MINK?

HE’D RATHER BE DRINKING                              

OR MAYBE HE LIKES                                            

                        ANY GUY’D

TO SEE HER IN SPIKES

OR MAYBE HE’D RATHER                                   

                        CHOOSE RAWHIDE.

NOT HEAR HER BLATHER . . .

 

 

     Espi                  

You are stepping on my train, Professor Kunkel.

 

(Espi and Professor Kunkel dance, cooperating in a pantomime with the cape, now stretched into a long sash. She tethers him out to the end of the sash, then pulls him back in, hand over hand. She rolls herself up around the waist, then he unrolls her. He catches her and reels her in, coming face-to-face, almost to a kiss.)

 

     Espi

Professor Kunkel.

SOMETIMES . . .

 

    Professor Kunkel           

Espi,

SOMETIMES . . .

 

    Espi

SOMETIMES A WOMAN . . .

 

     Professor Kunkel          

SOMETIMES A MAN . . .

 

Espi & Professor Kunkel

SOMETIMES A MAN AND WOMAN . . . FALL . . . IN . . . LOVE! 

           

(A final whirl of dancing, then Espi throws herself on Professor Kunkel and kisses him.)