That
Emperor's
Foo
L
A musical about nothing
SONG: “Lip Service Tango”
(The Weaving Room)
Mach
IT STARTS WITH LIP SERVICE.
A TINY LIE,
A MERE HALF-TRUTH.
A MINOR STRETCH BETWEEN THE TOOTH.
IT STARTS WITH LIP SERVICE.
A LITTLE FLIM.
A LITTLE FLAM.
THE FINEST PEARL NOT OYSTERED – BUT FROM CLAM!
AND THEN ONE DAY
WE QUITE BELIEVE
IN WHAT WE ONCE
COULD SCARCE CONCEIVE:
FORKS ON THE LEFT,
SPOONS ON THE RIGHT.
KEEP YOUR CONVERSATIONS
DULL AND TRITE.
THE TOP IS THE TOP
WHERE WE ALL WANT TO BE,
AND SCUM FAR BELOW,
PARDON ME.
(Potts and Pitts join in.)
All
IT STARTS WITH LIP SERVICE.
A NICE NEW WORD
YOU’VE OVERHEARD
IS ALL IT TAKES
TO JOIN THE HERD.
IT STARTS WITH LIP SERVICE.
Mach
APPEAL TO THEIR PRIDE
IN WORDS DIGNIFIED,
AND THEY GLADLY CAST
THEIR EYEBALLS ASIDE.
All
AND THEN ONE DAY
WE QUITE BELIEVE
IN WHAT WE ONCE
COULD SCARCE CONCEIVE:
Mach
SOME DAZZLING CLOTHES
THAT NOBODY KNOWS
ARE NAKED SKIN
FROM HEAD TO TOES.
(Ladyship steps out.)
All
IT STARTS WITH LIP . . .
Ladyship
Bravo, Mr. Mach!
(Mach, Potts and Pitts all freeze.)
Ladyship
Very well done, Sir Afashionado, I see your game.
Mach
(relaxing)
Madame Ladyship, I am very pleased you see it. Don’t I make beautiful things?
Ladyship
I see your game, Mr. Mach.
Mach
(He shoos Potts and Pitts off. They exit.)
Shall we play our game together, my dear?
(Mach forces her into a brief tango turn, which she halts abruptly.)
Ladyship
I play no game!
Mach
The empire?
Ladyship
Is truth and wisdom.
Mach
Oh, please, not those two in the same bag, my dear. Wisdom says truth is far too painful, so let’s lie.
(Mach forces her into another tango turn.)
Ladyship
Your fancy fashions for the Emperor are nothing! You just admitted it.
Mach
And you think empire is solid?
Ladyship
Of course it is!
Mach
And your little Plan is real, too?
Ladyship
Of course! It’s written down on paper.
Mach
An empire on paper, hmmm. And when you look at the paper, Ladyship, do you see the Plan?
Ladyship
Of course you do!
Mach
All I see are dark little marks called letters of an alphabet.
Ladyship
This is ridiculous! The Plan is in my mind.
Mach
And if I crack open your skull?
Ladyship
I won’t be tricked.
Mach
My tongue is no trickier than yours, Ladyship. This Plan is mere words. Someone invented it.
(A long pause. No answer from Ladyship.)
Mach
Just as I invented these beautiful vestments. We are comrades in creation, my dear, making empires out of lies.
(He gives her another dancing twirl.)
Ladyship
This empire is no lie!
Mach
Oh, come, come. In some parts of the world, people vote to elect officials who tell everybody precisely what they must do – and they call it “freedom.” We are dealing, Ladyship, not with a few fakeries, but with cherished beliefs.
Ladyship
(she pulls herself away)
I refuse…
Mach
And what you and I don’t want is to let anyone know it. Because if they know it’s all lies, the whole empire falls apart, doesn’t it? Partners, my dear?
(Ladyship has been defeated. Mach grabs her hand. She yields. He swings her for a few more turns as she limply follows him. Ladyship pulls away and exits.)