That
Emperor's
Foo
L
A musical about nothing
SONG: “ So Opposite We Are”
Emperor
SO OPPOSITE WE ARE, YOU AND I.
I AM THE CROWN.
AND YOU JUST BARELY SCORE
AS A TRAMP OF A CLOWN.
ONE WONDERS HOW WE TWO
CAN BE FRIENDS SO BOUND AND TRUE.
Mundo
My master and friend,
MARK MY WORDS, I WON’T HOLD BACK,
THERE’S NO WHITE WITHOUT BLACK.
AND EQUALLY RIGHT,
THERE’S NO BLACK WITHOUT WHITE.
Emperor
That’s absurd.
Mundo
BEHOLD BEFORE YOU THE BLACKEST HOLE,
THE DARKEST, INKIEST, JET-BLACK COAL.
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IT TO BE SO BLACK
IF YOU HAD NEVER SEEN WHITE, JUST A SMACK?
Emperor
Ah-h-h.
SO IF ALL WERE BLACK
OR ALL WERE WHITE,
YOU COULDN’T TELL THE OTHER ONE EXISTED.
Mundo
THAT’S RIGHT!
SO WHAT MAKES YOU AN EMPEROR HIGH AND RENOWNED
IS HAVING THIS LOATHSOME, LOW CRACKPOT LIKE ME AROUND.
Emperor
Crawl! So, you are saying, that’s why we have this mixed-up world of opposites . . .
THERE’S NO GOOD WITHOUT BAD.
(The Emperor starts hesitantly, then gets the idea.)
NO JOY WITHOUT SAD.
NO SWEET WITHOUT SOUR . . .
Mundo
COUNT ETERNITY BY THE HOUR.
HOW COULD WE BE HONEST IF NO ONE LIED?
Emperor
OR HAVE A SECRET IF NO ONE PRIED?
Mundo
WHERE IS SAINTHOOD WITHOUT DEFECTS?!
Emperor
OR CHASTITY WITHOUT SEX?
What is so is not. And what is not is so.
(A moment of mutual puzzlement.)
Both
Yes!
Emperor
But, Mundo, it’s all topsy turvy. Black, white, friend, foe, yes, no. Where do we stand? All that’s left is . . .nothing.
Mundo
That’s all you ever had.
Emperor
Nada.
Mundo
Zilch.
Emperor
Locked behind these eyeballs.
Mundo
Looking out at . . .
Emperor
Emptiness.
Mundo
The aching void.
Emperor
As big as the universe.
Mundo
But in this black-white, yes-no world, nothing . . . goes . . . with . . .
Emperor
(figuring it out)
Everything!
Mundo
Out of the void . . .
Emperor
Comes all creation, bang! Mundo, you are so clever!
Mundo
It’s nothing.
Both
SO OPPOSITE WE ARE, THE CROWN AND THE CLOWN.
WHO CARES WHAT THEY SAY, LET THEM ALL FROWN.
AND FRIENDS WE ARE, YOU AND I!
NONE BETTER BY FAR, JACK LOW AND ACE HIGH!
Emperor
Mundo, you are like a son. You are the only one I can trust. All the others in court, they all maneuver to impress. I will make you my son, Mundo. I give you my daughter Espi to be your wife.
(A spotlight reveals the courtiers surrounding a shocked Espi.)
Courtiers
Espi?!?!
Emperor
Mundo needs a wife. One man, one woman, yes, Mundo? Are you not a man?
Mundo
Oh, far below.
Courtiers
Espi to be Mundo’s wife?!?!
Emperor
An emperor’s fool would do well to have a wife.
Mundo
He would be a fool.
Espi
I’m going to be married? To the Fool?
(protesting proudly)
I am the Emperor’s daughter.
Emperor
You are my bastard daughter. You will marry my fool.
Courtiers
Espi and Mundo! Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
Espi
Baw-w-w!